Thrust into your hand at the factory entrance by a smiling party worker.
Latest headlines
NEW DAWN FOR FINANCIAL SECTOR
Rejoice and hail, as our glorious Benefactor has brought back into the hands of the people another important public service. His decisions to liberate Northern Rock, then free Lloyds TSB and HBOS for the enjoyment of the populace, were already far-sighted and wise. Now the final few stages of nationalisation are complete, as this morning, the FTSE stock exchange and all other major international banks were released into the arms of the state.
The Socialist
Comrades are to enjoy the latest news from our entertaining new column, which follows.
BOOZY BLUNDER FOR BULLINGDON
Damian Bullingdon-Keith, lauded head of Manufacture Asset Fund 24 (Allen Key Class), was spotted at Proletariats’ in Notting Hill last night with his latest squeeze, Tiffany C. Buttersack, niece of famed Party industralist R. Sandler.
An embarassing gaffe followed. When our glorious Leader’s visage appeared on the mandatory plasma screen, Bullingdon-Keith failed to remove the martini glass from his right hand and raise his palm respectfully to his left breast.
An entirely voluntary written confession was unfortunately not enough to repay Bullingdon-Keith’s debt to the people, hence he and Buttersack were publicly force-fed shrimp and champagne, covered in Guatemalan chocolate and then tied to a half-submerged BMW to perish in West India Dock. Hilarious highlights have been uploaded on YouTube on the Justice channel.
Jobs
HEDGE ASSET CONTROL MANAGER
Salary: 4 RATION CARDS / 6.2 loaves of bread p.m.
Locations: Laos, Cuba, United Kingdom
Contract: Five-year plan
A top hedge fund is looking for a comrade with asset control experience who preferably has not yet thrown themselves from an eleventh-floor window to their death.
Exciting opportunities at this fund include working in an outdoor office. You will be provided with your own Blackberry. Several thousand, in fact.
Competitive remuneration includes extra powdered egg every second Wednesday and brick/mud* dwelling with only two holes in floor.
Party membership obligatory **. We would preferably like to hear from comrades with experience in the following sectors: stock-control; digging ditches; product-facing representation; gorse-clearing; asset sales; wheelbarrow carrying.
* Dwelling composition 15% brick, 15% mud, 25% recycled newspaper, 45% night soil.
** All readers not a member of the Party, please report immediately to West India Dock.
4 comments on "Thrust into your hand at the factory entrance by a smiling party worker"
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